it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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