is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
