Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
