She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
