She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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