I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
