thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
