Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
