so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
