just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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