I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
