Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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