Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
