Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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