They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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