sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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