His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
