TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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