Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
