Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
