hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
