Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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