Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
