its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
