I bet he comes in French.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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