Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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