I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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