Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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