Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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