I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
