I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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