How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
