Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
