Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
