Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
