Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
