Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
