She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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