No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
