Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
