Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
