God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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