I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
