It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
