I just cut my nipple shaving
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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