Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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