names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
