I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
