you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
