I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
