Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
